We’re a little over 2 weeks until we start a new year so I wanted to do a look back on how far I’ve come these past 12 months. It’s been a year of discovery. Not just of myself but others that are in my life. This year has brought forth a side of me that I had tried to forget for so long but lying to myself would’ve been a disservice because I wouldn’t truly be happy and be the person I know I am. In finding that truth, I learned about humanity and how it can be kind but cruel as well. When confronted with something that challenges society’s perception of what is considered status quo in their mind, the reactions have been surprising yet not unexpected. I knew I would be faced with opposition from my own family and I guess I didn’t realize how much it would hurt or how much strength I had that I could accept their feelings but not allow it to dictate how I would live my life because at the end of the day, it is my life and happiness that comes first. It took a lot of crying and working through that with a very awesome counselor to help me see that. I wouldn’t be where I am now if I had not chosen to go to counseling. It’s a decision I’ve never regretted.
My friends have been accepting of my choices. They know that I will be much happier with myself and that’s all they want for me. Happiness. That’s what life should be about. Being happy for others that find their own happy. Pushing someone down, stifling their true selves, is the most selfish thing one human can do to another but we’ve been doing it for hundred of years. Whether it was based on your religion, race, gender or sexual preferences, it has become the nature of the beast to belittle those that don’t fit within the mold. Fuck the mold. I broke the mold a long time ago and others have done the same. Moving out of the bubble in which my family lives has helped. I moved beyond their reach in a way. They can’t just pop over for a visit now and I can start my life as Jaek here without any interference. This may come off as harsh in how I say it but moving has been freeing. My family cannot dictate how I live my life in a new city. They have no power here to invalidate who Jaek is.
Now as we cross into the new year, new and exciting things are on the horizon. Life changing events. I plan on starting my shots after the first of the year. I have the doctor that I’ve chosen and the letter. I’m prepared to take on any obstacles that come my way. There’s also a promising relationship that is developing. When it’s time to come forward about the relationship and this woman, it will be known to those who are important to me. This woman is supportive and accepting of who Jaek is, where he came from and where he’s going. She wants to stand with me by my side as I continue on this journey.
My wish for next year? I hope to have a more fulfilling sense of myself. I hope to start seeing Jaek come out more and more as the physical changes occur. I hope to expand my heart to be full of love and acceptance of those who do not accept me. I hope to grow in a year from now, to look back on my growth and be proud of my accomplishments.