I was tasked with writing about what my life would be as if I transitioned into Jaek or if I stayed as Taylor. The thoughts of living as one or the other has been on my mind through out this whole process and even before coming to terms about that part of me. So I’m breaking it down into 2 sides. Pros and cons for living as Jaek and the same for living as Taylor.

     Jaek(cons)

  • Family support may be lacking. They may struggle and never fully come to terms with Jaek. May continue to use the wrong pronouns out of spite and narrow-mindedness.
  • Most of society will judge me for not embracing my birth gender and the roles and norms which are associated with said gender. Hatred and ridicule. Never fully accept me as male.
  • The lack of support and resistance could lead to emotional instability and self loathing.
  • Sexual compatibility will be much harder to find as some gay and straight women may not be open to the idea of a transman for sex.
  • Physical changes may not bring the desired results. Acne, weight gain and unwanted body hair. May end up frustrated by what I would perceive as lack of progress in attaining a more masculine appearance.
  • Potential loss of family and friends due to lack of understanding and acceptance. Potential loss of an identity for myself without having others to help define me if I should end up isolated from those close to me.
  • Health problems could arise from hormone shots/surgery/depression/lack of self worth.

      Jaek(pros)

  • Family support could be 100 percent behind me and accepting of Jaek as part of the family. The brother, son, uncle, nephew, grandson that they could embrace fully. Look past the physical changes and realize that the inner person will remain the same. Ability to feel fully at ease around my family without judgement or criticism of my choices.
  • With support of those around me, emotionally be able to deal with things easier. Not hold things in out of fear of judgement from them. Able to process things the healthy way without resorting to harmful tactics to dull the pain.
  • Being more confident with my sexual side. Able to embrace myself after starting hormones and learn to become sexually satisfied as a man. Seek a partner that is comfortable with how I choose to express myself sexually and with them. Acquire the penis I’ve always wanted.
  • Physical changes will make the picture of how I truly see myself a reality. Feel more confident in myself knowing that I’m making the changes that I wanted as they become more apparent. Being able to have a more masculine chest and a more phallic sexual organ and not be weighed down daily with the reminders of my birth sex.
  • Not really mourn the loss of who I was seen as for so long but reflect and respect that she brought Jaek this far and now it’s up to him to come full circle in himself. Allow others to mourn Taylor as they see fit.
  • Overall, being more healthy physically, emotionally and mentally, knowing that this is the right choice at the end of the day.

 

       Taylor(cons)

  • Family may feel like they succeeded in pressuring me to not go forward with transitioning and will hold that over my head.
  • The transgender community may look at me as an imposter for not transitioning and for giving into family and social pressure to conform.
  • Depression and feelings of worthlessness. Possibly self harming tendencies. Loss of enjoyment of life. Hiding from the truth.
  • Sex life may be unfulfilling and will remain unsatisfied with performance. May not feel confident allowing partner to pleasure me. Lack of interest in sex.
  • Self esteem may drop as a result of not going through with the physical transitioning. Again, may lead to self harming as a way to cope with hating my body. May become disinterested in taking care of myself physically.
  • overall, physical, mental and emotional health may decline.
  • Taylor(pros)

  • family and friend support will be definitive.
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    One response »

    1. Morgan says:

      i think trying to make that big decision of physically transitioning or not is one of the biggest , hardest , and scariest decisions you will ever have to make … i think some people take it far too lightly! i took 5 years to finally make that choice , and have never looked back since ……no i didn’t get every single change i wanted , yes i gained weight with it, the acne came and went …..my friends and family came around , and overall i feel like the person now that i always knew i was! Dating was/ is tough but if a person doesn’t like what you got then they aren’t the one you are suppose to be dating anyways! and this is in no way trying to say you should transition physically… you can make all the pros and cons list you want … but in the end … you have to listen to your own heart …..best of wishes – Jarotte

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